A Letter to My 20-Year-Old Self on My 30th Bday

Dear Chris

It feels like it was just yesterday when you were watching the movie 13 Going on 30. Yet here you are writing this letter to 20 year old you. There are many things I want to tell you but I'm sure you're curious about a couple things, so I'll get them out of the way now. No, you don't have any kids. No, you're not married either. Your happy about both of these things btw.

You will miss more flights that we care to admit, dance on tables, drink champagne, get kicked off international flights and ride up escalators on luggage trollies. You will experiment with your fashion, forever try and stay blonde, experience a few dating misadventures and a couple of really good love stories.

Unfortunately, soon Tom* (name changed) will no longer be with us. You will grow apart and go on to live separate lives. The breakup of your first love will hurt, it may be one of the most painful things you will ever go through. However, you will heal, move on and mostly only look back at this relationship with only good memories.

In the next couple of years you will go through a massive change. You will leave Christchurch and move north. When you make this transition you feel lost. It's the first time you’ve lived without your family in a 10km radius.

You pray to those above and ask for an angel. 2 weeks later, you meet your angel. He’s a man in his late 40’s and when you first meet him, he will tell you his name is Mark. You later find out, his name was never Mark. But that doesn’t change anything. You both met so unexpectedly at a time where you needed one another. The two of you have so much fun. Don’t worry about what anyone says about age or race, you're happy together. Together you turn a house into a home, a beautiful french style villa on a hill in Hamilton, with a stunning view of the lake.

You won’t marry, but you essentially operate like husband and wife. He teaches you about money, about work ethic and to work hard. He's the reason you don’t need to get a job your not passionate about or worry about financial issues most worry about in their 20’s. He will teach you the basic things like how to stack a dishwasher properly and to take your shoes off at the door when you come home. However, don't get me wrong, it's by no means a perfect relationship, you will certainly have your ups and downs - and if you learn anything... don't post the 'viral' video. However, in the end you do believe you are connected by soul and you believe, no matter what happens - he will be apart your life until the end. He becomes your second best friend.

Your first best friend (you may not believe it yet) but its your Mum. There is nothing you won’t tell her, even the things you swore you wouldn’t tell a soul. She holds most of it without judgement. She doesn’t always get it right. But she never leaves. You realise she is willing to fight in your corner no matter how hard that day has been for her or you. You are so lucky to have her, treasure your days with her, she won’t be here forever and she means the world to you.

You will have a sequence of letters after your name. Yes you were an A+ BA student, you also pick up the letters ADHD. Don’t freak out. At some stage, we will become medicated for these and they will work in our favour.. I'd say you have a few other things going on as well but we haven't and may not ever run those tests. 

You still struggle with your mental health. It doesn't get easier, I'm not even sure if it makes you stronger. But what you will learn; your mental state and actions won’t just affect you, it will affect everyone around you. Chris, no-one always knows the right thing to do or say. Some days you’ll call it mental illness. Some days you’ll call it a personality. Both are true. Medication helps, so does movement.

You will start businesses when others are writing CV’s. You never have a stable job nor will you climb a ladder (don’t worry - so far you don’t need either). You’ll create some brands, some will flop, some won’t. But they teach you learn to launch fast, fail fast, and pivot sharp.

Take peace in knowing you have this incredible ability no matter how hard you fall, what way you land, no matter what damage is done you will ALWAYS be OK, and usually, it happens for something better to happen later down the road. The thing is… You are incredibly smart and have incredibly accurate intuition. Most of the answers you search for are already within you. Find the courage to pursue them, you don’t need external validation.

At the end of your 20s, you’ll realise that what you’ve been chasing isn’t success, money, fame or validation - it’s security. It’s a sense of belonging. You’ll just want to feel included. You’ll learn that feeling left out can hurt more than anything, maybe even more than feeling like you have no purpose.

And while you're writing this letter, weeks before you relaunch your business you realise: maybe that is what you're meant to build your business around. Not just beauty. But belonging. Here’s a few things I think you and all 20-somethings should know:

• You spend too much time worrying. Stop, waste of energy.
• You really can’t change a person, and it’s not your place to try.
• The answer is always in the hesitation. Remember this.
• Forget your life plan - every time you make a plan its usually a disaster, wing it. You’ll land on your feet anyway.
• Pretending to be less smart than you really are erodes you from the inside.
• But also, get over yourself - You’re great, but you’re not one of Jesus’s disciples. You still have a lot to learn.
• Nobody knows what the hell you should do. Not your parents. Not your sisters. Not your friends. Not even the boyfriend you have right now. It’s all on you

Life is uncertain and dreams are expensive.
But this is when you need to keep going most.
Never stop dreaming.

I can’t tell you what’s in store for the next chapter, maybe i’ll touch base again in 10 years time.

In the mean time - enjoy the ride sweet girl, you have so much to look forward to.